Rufus Leakin

Guru of Folklore

  • You start to snicker uncontrollably all through the Disney movie “Darby O’Gill And The Little People.”   
  • Your record collection is stocked only with the Chieftains and very short artists – Paula Abdul, Sheena Easton, Prince, Phil Collins…
  • You get jumpy every time friends ask you if you can cover them for lunch.
  • When you see a rainbow, you get a greedy little look in your eye. (Arrrr, there’s me pot o’ gold!)
  • In your cupboard – nothing but Lucky Charms cereal and Dinty Moore “Real Irish Stew.”
  • Every time you get your paycheck, you convert it into gold coins and bury it somewhere.
  • You simply despise fairies. (“Wing Envy” if you ask me!)
  • You dance a jig on your way to work each morning, to the embarrassment of your friends and the amusement of strangers.
  • In terms of fashion & current events, you’ve literally been under a rock for the past years.
  • You try to pick up women by saying, “Ah, lassie, it’s beguiling kneecaps you have.”
  • When drunk, you discourse endlessly on shoe buckles, and annoy folks by saying things like, “How can ye not know what a grommet is, lad? You’re only wearing several on yer feet! What are ye, daft or somethin?”
  • When you say something is “magically delicious,” you really mean it.
  • Around St. Patrick’s Day, you stock up on Shamrock Shakes at McDonald’s.
  • You’re three feet tall with a Kerry brogue, red hair, cuss a lot, wear a lot of green and drink stout like water!